Festival Rules: Choosing a Film
(Film you hear me? FILM, not MOVIE!)
The festival presents a filmgoer will many hundreds of films to see, the majority of which you have no idea of whether or not they are any 'good'. Most are in a foreign language, almost all have subtitles, some are animated, some are documentaries, some are collections of short films.
Some filmgoers choose every film before the festival, carefully charting out which films they will see, a week or so in advance. In my case the day before I'm going I'll sit down and go through the guide, checking which sessions I can go to, when the film before ends, how long it'll take me to run between venues, etcetera.
Over the years, I have developed certain rules that guide me when choosing a film to see, here they are in descending order of importance.
1. No French films.
Yes, the girls are always gorgeous. Yes, there's lots of sex. But, French cinema is so boring, so self indulgent, so superficial, so...French. Any nation that, to a person, finds Jerry Lewis funny cannot produce quality meaningful cinema.
I present in my defense the film Swimming Pool, a sellout at the festival a few years back. A film I would never have known existed were it not for the hot girl on the poster, and a plot synopsis like this:
"It is the off-season, and Sarah finds that the beautiful country locale and unhurried pace is just the tonic for her--until late one night, when John's indolent and insouciant French daughter Julie unexpectedly arrives. Sarah's prim and steely English reserve is jarred by Julie's reckless, sexually charged lifestyle."
Blah. I didn't bother seeing it.
2. No Iranian films.
Bad experience. Don't ask.
3. No Kung Fu films.
Okay kung fu lovers, some asian films have AMAZING acrobatics in them, granted. But for me, once you've seen one film with no plot and some buff asian dudes kicking each other in the chest at high speeds while the sound effects guy simultaniously smashes a mallet into a lettuce, you've seen them all.
4. Word of mouth.
If someone tells me they saw a film that's worth seeing, and I can see it's second screening, I'll go see it. This had led me to films like American Astronaut and American Splendor and Donnie Darko, (and I'm sure I dont need to tell any of you trendy wanks what a good film Donnie Darko is) and is generally the best guide you will have about your enjoyment of a movie at the festival.
5. 'How many documentaries have I already seen this festival?'
I'm a documentary whore. I always wind up choosing documentaries, which I see as cheating - it takes the chance out of picking a film, there's no dramatic element, there's no risk. Occasionally the docos are excellent, the The Weather Underground and Guerrilla: The Taking of Patty Hearst are prime examples of that, but occasionally they are long....and slllooowwww... including a documentry on the making of some building with some patient rich guy and some tortured genius achitech and ZZZzzzZZZzzz.
If I've seen three documentaries, then thats enough.
6. No animated shorts.
This is a new rule this year, after a really tiring collection of 'wow look at me - I'm a short film genius from eastern Europe who has too much time on his hands' animated shorts last year, I'm steering well clear this year - only in exceptional cricumstances, eg) the fate of the WORLD rests on my seeing a collection of animated shorts, will I see any this year.
7. If it's Australian, how many 'big' name ensamble castmembers will I be subjected to?
If the answer is three or more, keep fucking clear. Case in point, Somersault - shite, and I will happily arm wrestle anyone who disagrees. This film was such inpentrable toss, populated with so many contrite, lingering silence, 'I know better' performances by b-grade fair dinkum Aussie actors, that only the ever lingering prospect of seeing (the admittedly not bad in this) Abbey Cornish nekkid kept me in the cinema.
Somersault follows forgettable films like The Honourable Wally Norman, Japanese Story, The Rage in Placid Lake (Ben Lee, BEN FUCKING LEE), and numerous other films my post-mentioning-Ben-Lee fragile mind cannot recall right now. Of course, there are many good Australian films at the festival each year, for instance Making Venus was unexpected and very very excellent.
(...very very excellent....if anyone catches me typing 'brill' - shoot me)
The festival presents a filmgoer will many hundreds of films to see, the majority of which you have no idea of whether or not they are any 'good'. Most are in a foreign language, almost all have subtitles, some are animated, some are documentaries, some are collections of short films.
Some filmgoers choose every film before the festival, carefully charting out which films they will see, a week or so in advance. In my case the day before I'm going I'll sit down and go through the guide, checking which sessions I can go to, when the film before ends, how long it'll take me to run between venues, etcetera.
Over the years, I have developed certain rules that guide me when choosing a film to see, here they are in descending order of importance.
1. No French films.
Yes, the girls are always gorgeous. Yes, there's lots of sex. But, French cinema is so boring, so self indulgent, so superficial, so...French. Any nation that, to a person, finds Jerry Lewis funny cannot produce quality meaningful cinema.
I present in my defense the film Swimming Pool, a sellout at the festival a few years back. A film I would never have known existed were it not for the hot girl on the poster, and a plot synopsis like this:
"It is the off-season, and Sarah finds that the beautiful country locale and unhurried pace is just the tonic for her--until late one night, when John's indolent and insouciant French daughter Julie unexpectedly arrives. Sarah's prim and steely English reserve is jarred by Julie's reckless, sexually charged lifestyle."
Blah. I didn't bother seeing it.
2. No Iranian films.
Bad experience. Don't ask.
3. No Kung Fu films.
Okay kung fu lovers, some asian films have AMAZING acrobatics in them, granted. But for me, once you've seen one film with no plot and some buff asian dudes kicking each other in the chest at high speeds while the sound effects guy simultaniously smashes a mallet into a lettuce, you've seen them all.
4. Word of mouth.
If someone tells me they saw a film that's worth seeing, and I can see it's second screening, I'll go see it. This had led me to films like American Astronaut and American Splendor and Donnie Darko, (and I'm sure I dont need to tell any of you trendy wanks what a good film Donnie Darko is) and is generally the best guide you will have about your enjoyment of a movie at the festival.
5. 'How many documentaries have I already seen this festival?'
I'm a documentary whore. I always wind up choosing documentaries, which I see as cheating - it takes the chance out of picking a film, there's no dramatic element, there's no risk. Occasionally the docos are excellent, the The Weather Underground and Guerrilla: The Taking of Patty Hearst are prime examples of that, but occasionally they are long....and slllooowwww... including a documentry on the making of some building with some patient rich guy and some tortured genius achitech and ZZZzzzZZZzzz.
If I've seen three documentaries, then thats enough.
6. No animated shorts.
This is a new rule this year, after a really tiring collection of 'wow look at me - I'm a short film genius from eastern Europe who has too much time on his hands' animated shorts last year, I'm steering well clear this year - only in exceptional cricumstances, eg) the fate of the WORLD rests on my seeing a collection of animated shorts, will I see any this year.
7. If it's Australian, how many 'big' name ensamble castmembers will I be subjected to?
If the answer is three or more, keep fucking clear. Case in point, Somersault - shite, and I will happily arm wrestle anyone who disagrees. This film was such inpentrable toss, populated with so many contrite, lingering silence, 'I know better' performances by b-grade fair dinkum Aussie actors, that only the ever lingering prospect of seeing (the admittedly not bad in this) Abbey Cornish nekkid kept me in the cinema.
Somersault follows forgettable films like The Honourable Wally Norman, Japanese Story, The Rage in Placid Lake (Ben Lee, BEN FUCKING LEE), and numerous other films my post-mentioning-Ben-Lee fragile mind cannot recall right now. Of course, there are many good Australian films at the festival each year, for instance Making Venus was unexpected and very very excellent.
(...very very excellent....if anyone catches me typing 'brill' - shoot me)
posted by The Student at 8:12 PM
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